“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink…”
Proverbs 25:21
“What a dwarf!” So began Sean’s bullying of ten-year-old Adam. Every time Sean saw Adam, he shouted at him “dwarf” and teased him because of his physical size. At some point Adam, who until then had restrained himself and said nothing, got tired of it and talked back. Sean did not take it lightly, and from then on added beatings to his teasing. Until one day Sean’s friends held Adam while Sean continued beating him, and Adam was helpless. For eight months Adam suffered this abuse until he finally opened his mouth and told his parents.
A lot has been said lately about the effects of bullying. We have even witnessed children who have hurt themselves because they could no longer tolerate the bullying. What is bullying? How can we recognize those children that suffer abuse, and what can you, as a teacher in the congregation, do to help?
Bullying is “a behavioral strategy that involves a constant demonstration of power and achieving goals primarily through threats” (Wikipedia). Bullying is not an isolated case of violence, but a sequence of events in which children/youth experience violence. Nowadays, due to the easy access to the internet and social media, the occurrence of bullying has increased, for the simple reason that it’s very easy to throw out a sentence online anonymously, or not say a word in response to other’s bullying, and in that way harm others. Bullying includes boycotting, spreading rumors, threats, harassment, calling derogatory names, stealing someone’s identity, and sometimes even beatings.
Statistics show that every third child in Israel suffers from bullying. In other words, 33% of Israel’s children suffer from bullying. That’s a huge number! But most of these children don’t report the bullying because they’re afraid it will only get worse, because the thugs threaten to hurt them or someone close to them, they do not want to be seen as victims or they do not want to make a big deal out if it. When the child does not speak, the problem becomes worse, causing the atmosphere where bullying takes place to be tense and despondent.
It is likely that in our class in the congregation, there are children who suffer from bullying – at school, in their neighborhood, at the congregation, or elsewhere.
There are some things we as teachers can do to help these children:
- Teach the children that God created each of them special and unique. Psalm 139 speaks exactly about this. Children that suffer from bullying generally lack confidence and are in need of encouragement.
- Pray specifically for a child you know is suffering from this problem.
- Be a friend to the children. Make sure they know that you love them. Building a friendship will help the children feel at ease to share with you regarding situations they are going through.
- If a child shares with you that he is being bullied, gently find out from him if his parents know about it. Encourage him to speak with them, and if it helps, offer to go with him and speak to his parents. Silence increases bullying; openness brings a solution to the problem.
- If the subject of bullying comes up in class and you feel that it is important to the children, discuss it. Notice the children’s reactions – they can give you clues if someone is suffering from this issue. Discuss examples in God’s Word where bullies hurt people, and how they responded to it. A good example of a bully is Goliath. He teased the Israelites every day. Even Saul and his soldiers were terribly afraid of him. God sent David to defeat Goliath. Goliath laughed at him because he was so small, yet God gave the victory to little David. Another example comes from the story of Joseph and his brothers. Although Joseph did not treat his brothers well, their response was not justified. They rejected him, harassed him, and finally sold him into slavery. The Apostle Paul suffered at the hands of those who opposed the gospel, yet he didn’t stop evangelizing; every time they beat him up or threw him into prison, he got up again and went on with the help of God.
- If a child who is bullied shares his distress with you, make sure he knows that the bully is not behaving that way towards him because he did something or because he is what the bully says he is, the problem is that the bully is looking for a way to make himself feel stronger (like in the example above: though Adam was small, it was Sean who lacked confidence and searched for a way to show that he is strong and has power over others).
- Discuss with the children ways they can repay good for evil.
- Brainstorm with the child ways to build a positive relationship with the bully, or “buy” him (in the positive sense of the word). It’s possible, for instance, to invite the bully to join the boy’s team in a game, or, if possible, invite him over to do something they both like to do, etc.
An example from God’s Word
David suffered unbearable bullying from Saul. Saul tried to kill David innumerable times, he persecuted him for many years, and why all that? Because he was jealous of David. Saul knew that God was with David and that the day would come when David would take his place. So, Saul decided to kill David, but God would not allow him to do so. When David had the opportunity to kill Saul and stop his unending suffering once-and-for-all, he refused. He saw Saul for what he was, God’s creation, and said, ”But the LORD forbid that I should lay a hand on the LORD’s anointed” (1 Samuel 26.11). David’s response to the bully wasn’t to repay him evil for evil, but to let God take care of him. That didn’t mean that David remained in Saul’s home and allowed him to continue to hurt him; he fled from him and did all he could to defend himself, his family, and all the people who joined him.
I once read a children’s story on the verse in Proverbs “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink…” The story went like this: one child was being bullied by another child. The child’s family and friends began to pray for the abusive child and asked God to show them how they could demonstrate God’s love to him. The suffering child learned that the bully loved gummy bears, so every day he would secretly leave some gummy bears on the bully’s desk. When the bully found out who gave him the candy, he was ashamed and was reconciled to the child he bullied.